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Satire | Flexi-airports a la Jamnagar

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Satire | Flexi-airports a la Jamnagar

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No person believed me once I stated it, and I’ve been saying it for years. I stated, “India is the one nation on this planet the place a businessman — irrespective of how rich — can request the federal government to show any airport into a world airport for 10 days, and the federal government will say, ‘Sure, boss!’” And never simply say it, however do it. At the moment the entire world is aware of this to be true.

Industrialist buddies who laughed at me at the moment are messaging me to ask methods to go about it. I inform them to only learn the papers. In actual fact, as I had myself reported aeons in the past when working for the Guruvayur Guardian, it was the UPA authorities that framed the enabling laws.

Individuals with working recollections may keep in mind the notorious winter a decade or so in the past, when hundreds of farmers and staff from everywhere in the nation gathered on the Singhu border to protest in opposition to the federal government’s anti-billionaire legal guidelines — legal guidelines equivalent to MGNREGA, Meals Safety Act, and the Proper to Training Act. After months of stand-off, the federal government had no alternative however to bow down earlier than the working lessons’ utter solidarity with the nation’s tiniest and most endangered minority: its billionaires. To appease the protesters, and as a concrete gesture to guarantee them that they too cherished oligarchs as a lot as some other authorities, it lastly handed the Flexi-Airports to Please the Masters of the Universe Act, 2013 (FAPMUA).

Prompt makeover

Like with different good initiatives equivalent to UAPA and GST, though the FAPMUA was hurriedly introduced in by the Congress, it did valuable little with it. It wasn’t till the appearance of Amrit Kaal that the laws would take off, which it lastly did on the Jamnagar airport not too long ago. Anyway, for these , that is the way it works.

Let’s say you’re Mr. Dhandapani, CMD of Dhandapani Industries, and you’re planning your son’s marriage ceremony celebrations at a pristine nature reserve close to Tawang. Your visitor record consists of worldwide luminaries like Harvey Weinstein, Tim Jong Un, first cousin of Kim Jong Un, Jane Epstein, sister of Jeffrey Epstein, and Harry Pot, great-grandson of Pol Pot. All busy individuals who transfer round with excessive safety in their very own luxurious jets. You’ll be able to’t bundle all of them into one bus like some assorted Bollywood Kapoors. To complicate issues, Tawang solely has a defence airport, and it’s a delicate one, given the proximity to the China border. So what do you do?

It’s easy. You decide up the telephone and dial your contact within the regime — the man who obtained you out of bother each time you bought a name from the ED or IT division, the man who advised you what number of crores value of electoral bonds you wanted to purchase. Let’s say his title is Bhai. You inform Bhai your necessities.

“Good day Bhai, Dhandapani this facet. I’m listening to GDP is rising at 8.4% and also you guys are returning with 500-plus! Congratulations!”

“Thanks, Mr. Dhandapani. How can we assist your dhanda right now?”

“Pay attention, my son is getting married at Godzi-La in Arunachal. The closest touchdown strip is on the navy airport in Tawang. I’ve obtained international celebs flying down of their non-public jets and helicopters. Can you exchange Tawang into a world airport for, say, 10 days?”

This column is a satirical tackle life and society.

“With pleasure, Mr. Dhandapani. Billionaires like you have got executed a lot for India’s inclusive progress, it’s the least we will do.”

“You’re very variety, Bhai. We couldn’t have executed it with out your blessings.”

“You imply the mortgage write-offs, tax breaks, and just-in-time coverage adjustments?”

“Sure, but additionally the general public lands and sources you bought to us at throwaway costs.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Dhandapani. If there’s nothing else, I’ll ask my minions to get cracking on organising a Customs, Immigration and Quarantine (CIQ) facility at Tawang.”

“Glorious. Is it additionally attainable to, say, improve the bogs?”

“Completely, sir. Whether or not inside bathroom or outdoors, ease of doing enterprise is all the time high precedence. We’ll totally improve and in addition set up newest NFT work of Picasso and Monet in all of the Women and Gents.”

“One last item, Bhai, when you gained’t take it the mistaken approach.”

“Something for you, Mr. Dhandapani.”

“Mrs. Dhandapani — she is the one designing the entire occasion — has this loopy thought. She needs our unique high-profile friends to benefit from the privilege of being served by unique high-profile waiters. Are you able to depute…?”

“After all! What are ministers for, if to not serve folks?”

“It’s a pleasure doing enterprise with you, Bhai.”

“Ditto, Mr. Dhandapani. It’s a pleasure serving nationwide curiosity with you.”

The writer of this satire, is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.

sampath.g@thehindu.co.in

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